From: The Outside Reader (a play in three acts)
Party. Faculty Club. Just after the dissertation defense.
Grad students from earlier enter party. Messenger bags, baggy sweaters, caps. Scarves, scarves, scarves. Prof waits for them to arrange themselves, blend, then makes his entrance. All turn toward him, pleased, gracious, as if they are seeing him for the first time that day. He carries his own book. An oversized book labeled “his own book.”
Stephen: She’s really perfectly suited for the position.
Ray: Which position?
Stephen: He’s been dead for a week. We need to fill the position. Offer the classes. Parents are worrying, calling the dean. The multicultural requirement.
Ray: of course. Who?
Stephen: She’s perfect.
Ray: What does she do?
Stephen: Weren’t you at the defense earlier? You took his place on the committee?
Ray: I was. I did…was. Yes. Late last week.
Stephen: How was it?
Ray: Good. (beat.) I mean I was already familiar with her work, so I stepped in. A bit awkward, still, had her in class last semester, her work is…strong.
Stephen: I mean the defense. She passed. Impressive, considering the events of last week. The shake up in her committee structure.
Students gather round to hear about the defense.
Ray: hmmm.
Prof (conspiratorial): Dish.
Ray: Well. She demonstrated herself to be entirely qualified to fill the vacant position.
Prof: How long did she last?
Melissa (joining the conversation, with relish): She held up well. John was a bit rough on her. No explaining that, since he’s read absolutely no James, and claims not to have seen the final draft. (beat) The rest of us worked her over for about an hour.
John makes to object in his own defense…
Ray: She’s a professional. She’s ready.
Melissa (to the group): She handed John his ass, actually. She’s quite agile.
John: I don’t know if I’d say that…
Melissa: You couldn’t answer her questions. (beat.) And what was all this “heteronormativity makes me hot” business toward the end?
Susan (to the room): John didn’t think we could hear him. John had taken the chair closest to her, you see, so while we were consulting our notes, deciding how to finish up, he leaned over the table and whispered this in her ear.
John didn’t think they could hear.
Prof (so interested in John): No! You did not!
Grad Student #1 (sharing Prof’s enthusiasm; to Prof): That should absolutely be the title of your next book.
Melissa: She just wanted to talk about Jamesian syntax.
All cannot look at John. John bloody well can look at Melissa.
Grad Student #2 (to Prof): That should absolutely be the title of your next book.
Melissa (continuing her thought): Poor thing.
Prof: what did she wear? (closing his eyes; Grad students close eyes): Wait! Don’t tell me.
(beat.)
Stephen (reclaiming the conversation): Would she consider an offer? Does anyone know her thinking on this? Does she have interviews? Other interest?
John (definitively): No. She has nothing else going.
All look at John now.
Ray: Well. That settles it.
